I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nutella sex= disaster
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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