As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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