Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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