highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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