i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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