My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
