my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
