She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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