sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
