So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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