he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
