did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
