trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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