the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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