Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
