Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
