it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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