Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
