My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
