Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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