Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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