I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
