While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
