Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
