There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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