I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
