I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's not a foreskin expert like you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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