That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
