please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
