trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
