I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
