so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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