You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
