I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
