My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
