I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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