do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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