So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
