my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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