Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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