I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
