i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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