Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
