My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
