I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
