That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
