Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
