Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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