i would punch a child for taco bell
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
