Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
