i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
