it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
