he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
