that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
