yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
