I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize